Softening Old Defenses | A Meditation for Feeling Safe
There are moments when your mind knows you are safe —but your body hasn’t caught up yet.
You might notice yourself bracing without meaning to.
Pulling away from closeness.
Tensing when love, care, or tenderness comes near — even though a deeper part of you longs for connection.
If that feels familiar, you are not broken.
You are protected.
And this meditation, Softening Old Defenses, was created for you.
As a licensed therapist and the creator of Everyday Therapy, much of my work centers on helping people understand why their nervous system does what it does — and how to meet those patterns with compassion instead of shame. This guided meditation is an invitation to soften old defenses without forcing them away, and to begin building a felt sense of safety from the inside out.
Why Old Defenses Live in the Body
Our defenses are not random.
They are intelligent, adaptive responses shaped by experiences where our body learned that closeness, emotion, or vulnerability did not feel safe.
Over time, these defenses can show up as:
Tightness in the chest or jaw
A guarded or numb feeling in the belly
Pulling away in relationships
Difficulty receiving love or care
Staying “on alert,” even in calm moments
From a therapy perspective, these are not flaws — they are protective nervous system responses. The body remembers what once helped you survive, even after the danger has passed.
This is something I see often in my work with anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship healing, and intimacy concerns. Whether through talk therapy, guided meditation, or ketamine-assisted therapy, the goal is the same: helping the body feel safe enough to soften.
Creating Safety Before Softening
In this meditation, we begin by grounding deeply into the body — because safety must come before openness.
You’re guided to find a position that feels nourishing and supported, allowing your breath to slow and soften. With each inhale, you draw in safety. With each exhale, you release tension that no longer needs to be carried.
Imagining roots extending into the earth offers more than imagery — it gives the nervous system a sense of containment, steadiness, and support. This is essential for anyone whose body learned to brace as a way of surviving.
In both traditional therapy and ketamine-assisted therapy, we work with this same principle: softening happens when the system feels held, not pushed.
Honoring the Role of Protection
Rather than trying to get rid of defenses, this meditation invites you to gently turn toward them.
You may notice subtle guarding — perhaps in your chest, jaw, or belly. Instead of judging those sensations, you’re invited to place a hand there and offer words many people have never said to themselves:
Thank you for protecting me.
You kept me safe when I didn’t know how.
This moment is deeply therapeutic. Protection softens when it feels acknowledged, not criticized.
In ketamine-assisted therapy, people often experience this same shift — a softening of rigid defenses, a sense of spaciousness around old pain, and the ability to meet protective parts with compassion rather than fear. Ketamine doesn’t “fix” anything on its own; instead, it can help quiet the defensive noise enough for this kind of inner dialogue and emotional access to emerge.
Inviting Compassion for the Part That Learned to Brace
One of the most powerful sections of this meditation involves connecting with the part of you that learned these defenses in the first place.
You’re invited to imagine that part — perhaps younger, perhaps simply an energy — and to meet them with warmth and reassurance:
You did everything you were supposed to do.
And now, you can rest.
This mirrors the integration work often done after ketamine sessions, where insights, emotions, and bodily sensations need gentle containment and meaning-making. Whether through meditation or therapy, this step helps bring fragmented parts of the self back into relationship with one another.
Healing doesn’t happen by bypassing pain — it happens when the body feels safe enough to let go.
Integration: Bringing Softness Into Daily Life
As the meditation closes, attention returns to the body — the weight, the breath, the steady support beneath you.
You’re reminded that protection may rise again, and that’s okay.
This is something I emphasize strongly in both ongoing therapy and ketamine integration sessions: the work continues after the experience. The goal is not permanent openness, but learning how to meet yourself with awareness, choice, and compassion when old defenses resurface.
You now have a way to slow down.
A way to soften.
A way to respond rather than brace.
Continue Creating Safety for Insight
If this meditation touched something tender in you, I invite you to continue nurturing that softness.
I created a free booklet, Sacred Spaces: Creating Safety for Insight, to support this work with grounding practices, reflection prompts, and gentle rituals for building internal safety.
In my private practice, Intima Couples and Sex Therapy, I support individuals and couples through anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, intimacy concerns, and ketamine-assisted therapy — always with a focus on creating safety for insight and honoring the body’s wisdom.
You don’t have to rush healing.
You don’t have to force softness.
Your defenses will loosen when they know they are no longer alone.
And you deserve that kind of care.
