When the Body Remembers | Healing Through Connection
Following My Healing Journey – Week 4
By Raquel Perez, LPC
Founder of Intima Couples and Sex Therapy PLLC | Creator of Everyday Therapy
Have you ever noticed how your body reacts before your mind has time to explain what’s happening?
The tightening.
The freezing.
The ache in your chest or stomach.
As a therapist, I often tell my clients: the body remembers.
It remembers pain.
It remembers fear.
And it builds protection around experiences that once felt like too much.
But here’s something equally true — and far more hopeful:
The body also remembers healing.
It remembers safety.
It remembers connection.
It remembers love when it finally receives it.
And once the body has that memory, it begins to respond to life differently.
This is Week 4 of Following My Healing Journey, where I share my own lived experience of healing — not just as a licensed therapist, but as a human being doing this work in real time.
The Body Remembers Pain — and Protection
In trauma-informed therapy, especially when working with depression, anxiety, relationship wounds, and sexual disconnection, we talk a lot about the nervous system.
When something overwhelms us — emotionally or relationally — the body adapts.
It may:
Freeze
Shut down
Become hypervigilant
Pull away from intimacy
Numb out sexually
Disconnect from emotional closeness
These aren’t flaws.
They’re protective responses.
For years, I noticed my own freeze response. When something felt emotionally intense, my body would brace. Shut down. Pull inward.
And then something shifted.
It began in Week 1 of this series — when I met my inner child and gave her the love she had been waiting for her whole life. She needed to feel chosen. Important. Gushed over. Safe enough to soften.
When she received that from me, something subtle changed.
Not dramatic.
Not loud.
But real.
The body doesn’t forget when it finally receives what it has always needed.
A Different Conversation: When the Nervous System Stays Regulated
Recently, I had a long conversation with my 22-year-old son.
In the past, moments of emotional intensity would have activated my freeze response. But this time, I felt grounded. Curious. Present.
We reflected together. I shared feedback about things I’ve noticed in him — and in myself. He opened vulnerably. I opened vulnerably.
And my nervous system stayed regulated.
That’s when I realized something profound:
My body remembered safety.
Because it remembered connection, it didn’t need to protect.
This is what healing looks like in real life. Not perfection — but presence.
Pause, Reground, Return
There was also a moment in my romantic relationship this week where I felt activation rising.
Old patterns were ready to take over.
But instead of spiraling or pushing through, I paused. I stepped away. I grounded myself.
In that space, I accessed truth — hard truth — about my own part in the dynamic.
I was able to return to my partner and genuinely validate her experience.
That ability to pause?
That capacity to return?
That is nervous system healing.
This is what we work toward in couples therapy and relationship counseling at Intima Couples and Sex Therapy — not eliminating triggers, but building the capacity to regulate, reflect, and reconnect.
When Old Patterns Resurface
And then — the very next day — we fell into a familiar spiral.
Protection showed up on both sides. The heaviness was intense enough that we questioned the entire relationship.
This is important.
Healing does not mean we never revisit old patterns.
It means we have new reference points.
After time apart, we reconnected for a conversation that changed everything.
My partner shared more about how her neurodivergent brain experiences love — how touch is essential, how small gifts are expressions of deep care.
I shared how my brain works — how I give and receive love differently.
Suddenly, the puzzle came together.
We realized we had been loving each other in ways that weren’t landing.
Moments that seemed small had been deeply painful.
But once we understood each other — truly understood — our bodies responded.
The fear softened.
The heaviness lifted.
The sense of being trapped eased.
The body remembered safety again.
Therapist Insight: The Body Remembers Healing
In trauma therapy, somatic therapy, and ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, we talk about corrective emotional experiences.
Experiences where the body receives something new:
Safety instead of danger
Presence instead of abandonment
Regulation instead of chaos
Gentle touch instead of intrusion
Emotional attunement instead of dismissal
These new experiences don’t erase the past.
But they create new neural pathways.
This is why ketamine-assisted therapy can be so powerful for depression, trauma, and relational wounds. When used in a safe, therapeutic setting, ketamine can help soften rigid defensive patterns and allow the nervous system to access new emotional experiences.
Clients often describe it as:
“My body felt safe for the first time.”
“I could see my story without drowning in it.”
“I experienced compassion toward myself.”
When the body experiences safety deeply enough, it stores that memory.
And from there, healing accelerates.
Signs Your Body Is Learning Something New
I want to invite you into reflection.
Where has your body begun to respond differently than it used to?
Do you return to yourself faster after conflict?
Do you soften sooner?
Do you pause before reacting?
Do you stay present a little longer?
Do you feel slightly less afraid of closeness?
These subtle shifts matter.
They are signs of nervous system regulation. Signs of emotional healing. Signs that your body is remembering something new.
This is the heart of my work at Intima Couples and Sex Therapy in Lakewood, Colorado — and virtually across Colorado.
Whether through:
Individual therapy for depression and anxiety
Couples therapy and relationship counseling
Sex therapy for intimacy and desire
Ketamine-assisted psychotherapy
Or nervous-system-informed healing work
The goal is the same:
To create enough safety for insight.
Enough safety for softness.
Enough safety for truth.
A Companion Practice for You
If you want to support your body in processing emotion safely, I created a companion meditation for this week called “Grounding the Body: Moving Through Emotion Safely”
It’s designed to help you:
Regulate your nervous system
Stay present with intensity
Reconnect with your body gently
Remember that you are held
And if you’d like deeper support, I invite you to download my free booklet:
Sacred Spaces: Creating Safety for Insight
Inside, you’ll find:
Grounding practices
Reflection prompts
Nervous-system-informed tools
Gentle rituals to build emotional safety
Because healing doesn’t happen through force.
It happens when the body feels safe enough to soften.
Final Thoughts
The body remembers pain.
But it also remembers love.
It remembers being chosen.
It remembers being understood.
It remembers when someone stays.
And when it has that memory, it begins to respond differently — to conflict, to intimacy, to touch, to vulnerability.
Healing is not the absence of old patterns.
It’s the presence of new ones.
Layer by layer.
Truth by truth.
Your body is learning.
And that matters.
If you’d like support in your healing journey — through individual therapy, couples therapy, sex therapy, or ketamine-assisted therapy in Colorado — you’re welcome to reach out.
At Intima Couples and Sex Therapy, we create a space where your nervous system can exhale… and where your insight can emerge safely.
You don’t have to do this alone.
