Growing Up Latina and Learning to Talk About Sex
If you grew up Latina—especially in a religious or conservative home—you probably know exactly what I mean when I say:
“Sex just wasn’t something you talked about.”
In my home, it wasn’t just unspoken. It was forbidden.
But what happens when your body is still curious? When desire, identity, and shame collide—and you’re left to navigate it all alone?
As a Latina therapist who now specializes in sex therapy, emotional healing, and creating safety for insight, I’ve supported hundreds of people in unpacking these struggles. But today, I want to share something even more personal: my own story of growing up silenced, carrying shame, and finding my way home to myself.
Growing Up Latina and Silenced
I was a first-generation Latina raised in Colorado, in a deeply religious and culturally traditional home.
There were so many things we didn’t talk about—money, emotions, conflict—but sex? That was completely off-limits. The messages were clear and constant, even when no one spoke them out loud:
“Good girls don’t think about that.”
“Sex is shameful.”
“You just don’t do it.”
And here’s the truth: it didn’t take much repetition. These rules were in the air we breathed.
But I was still human. Still a girl with questions, with curiosities, with a body that was changing and a heart that longed to understand. And there was no one in my world who could—or would—have those conversations with me.
What Shame Does to a Developing Identity
When you grow up without space to explore or ask questions, you start to internalize the silence.
I started to believe:
“Maybe I’m bad for thinking this way.”
“Maybe I’m weird.”
“Maybe something is wrong with me.”
Those beliefs didn’t just touch my thoughts about sex. They shaped my entire sense of self.
I couldn’t fully understand or accept my queerness. I felt disconnected from my body. I made decisions from a place of confusion and longing, not clarity and choice. And like many of us, I carried those patterns into my relationships, my parenting, and my very sense of worth.
When Silence Shapes Your Path
At 17, I had my first son. I didn’t have the tools, the language, or the support to navigate sexuality with care or self-awareness.
For years, I carried guilt—for being sexual, for being queer, for not fitting the “good girl” mold I had been handed. I didn’t come out until I was 39.
That’s decades of carrying shame.
Decades of not fully claiming my identity.
Decades of feeling disconnected from my own pleasure, my own truth.
Healing—Slowly, Gently, Honestly
My healing didn’t happen in one breakthrough moment. It unfolded slowly.
It began in silence—when I finally sat with myself and listened. It grew through therapy, through community, through conversations with other mujeres who shared their truths.
I started asking myself the questions I had buried for so long:
What does sex mean to me?
What does safety feel like in my body?
What are my real desires, when shame isn’t making the decisions?
I cried. I got angry. I grieved. And slowly, I began to reclaim what was always mine: my body, my voice, my joy.
Gentle Tools if You’re Navigating This Now
If you’re someone who’s still carrying this kind of silence and shame, I want to offer a few gentle starting points.
1. Name What Was Taught
Take a moment and name the messages you received growing up:
“Sex is shameful.”
“Desire makes you bad.”
“Only certain people are allowed to express sexuality.”
Journal prompt:
What were the spoken or unspoken rules about sex in my home growing up? How did they shape me?
2. Come Back to Your Body—Gently
Shame doesn’t just live in our thoughts—it lives in our bodies. It shows up as tightness, bracing, or even numbness.
Try this simple practice:
Place your hand on your chest or belly.
Take a slow breath.
Whisper to yourself:
“It’s okay to be curious. It’s okay to want. I am safe in this moment.”
3. Find One Safe Person
You don’t need a whole community to begin. Just one person who can hold your truth without judgment. That could be a therapist, a trusted friend, or a partner who listens with care.
As I often remind my clients: Safety is the soil where insight grows. Without it, shame keeps your story stuck.
4. Normalize the Messiness
Sex, pleasure, identity, trauma—these don’t exist in neat boxes. They overlap. They get messy. And that’s okay.
Healing isn’t about doing it “right.” It’s about making space to be with what’s true for you.
My Wish for You
If I could go back and whisper something to my younger self, I’d say:
“You are not weird. You are not broken. You are worthy of love exactly as you are.”
And if no one has ever said that to you before, let me be the first:
You are not weird.
You are not broken.
You are deeply worthy—of love, of pleasure, of softness, and of being fully seen.
You deserve to know yourself. You deserve safety, connection, and joy. And it’s never too late to begin that journey home to yourself.
Next Steps in Your Own Healing
If this resonates with you, I invite you to take one small step today:
🌿 Download my free guide, Creating Safety for Insight — a gentle introduction to building the foundation you need for deeper healing.
💛 Work with me directly. I offer sex therapy, relationship therapy, and insight-oriented counseling for individuals and couples. My practice, Intima Couples and Sex Therapy PLLC, serves clients virtually across Colorado and in person in the Denver Metro area.
📺 Join me on YouTube. Every week, I share therapy-informed videos and meditations on sexuality, pleasure, emotional healing, and identity. Subscribe and stay connected to a space designed for safety and growth.
Final Word:
You don’t have to carry silence and shame alone. Healing happens in community, in safe spaces, and in small, gentle steps. And simply by reading this, you’ve already begun. 🌸
