Love: What Does It Really Mean to You?
Love
Just the word alone is enough to stir something inside us.
It's in the songs we sing, the movies we adore, and the stories we’ve been told since childhood. But what happens when we strip away the fairytales, the sweeping gestures, and the idea that love is something that "fixes" us?
Hi, I’m Raquel Perez, a licensed therapist based in Colorado. I specialize in creating safe spaces for emotional insight, and I work with clients in person in the Lakewood and Denver Metro areas, as well as virtually throughout Colorado. In today’s blog post (based on a story from my YouTube channel), I want to explore something deeply human: our evolving understanding of love and what it really means to us.
I Stopped Seeking Love – And My Relationships Improved
A while back, I came across a Reddit post that got me thinking.
The author shared how they stopped actively seeking love, and strangely, that’s when their relationships began to flourish.
That struck a chord with me. It mirrored something I’ve experienced personally and witnessed in my therapy work with clients navigating relationship anxiety, attachment wounds, and self-worth challenges.
Like many of us, the Reddit author once saw love as the ultimate goal—something magical and all-consuming that, once found, would make everything fall into place. But as they began to reflect, their perspective started to shift.
What Is Love, Really?
The post describes a moment of deep questioning: What actually is love? Not the movie version. Not the fairytale. Just… love.
The author admitted to struggling to define it. They even shared that when they asked women they had dated, their answers varied but were equally unclear. It made them realize something important—so many of us are chasing love without really knowing what it is we’re chasing.
They looked up the definition and found something surprisingly simple: “A strong feeling of affection.” But that didn’t explain much. As they looked back at their past experiences, the author noticed a pattern: what many people call love is actually neediness.
They described how love is often portrayed in songs and films as needing someone else to feel whole—“I can’t live without you,” or “You complete me.” For a long time, they thought that was what love was supposed to be.
But over time, the author realized that neediness isn’t love. When love is based on emotional dependence, it becomes less about connection and more about survival. That realization changed everything for them—and it’s a realization I deeply resonate with in my work and personal journey.
From Love to Connection
What if love isn’t about finding someone to "complete" us
but about building meaningful connections with others while being whole ourselves?
That’s the mindset shift that changed everything for me, both personally and in how I guide clients in my therapy practice. I stopped striving for a love that would fill in my gaps, and instead focused on fostering connection—real, grounded, emotional intimacy.
To me, connection means enjoying someone’s presence, being able to have deep and vulnerable conversations, and growing together through shared emotional experiences. It means loving without clinging, and appreciating people for who they are—not for what they do for us emotionally.
Love Without Conditions
Recently, I had a conversation with someone who shared that they, too, were redefining love. They talked about wanting a love that was natural, not based in lack or need. They desired connection without dependency—a kind of unconditional love that asks nothing in return.
And yes, that kind of love can be scary.
It means trusting that we are enough on our own. It asks us to stop outsourcing our self-worth and begin healing and growing into wholeness from the inside out.
This echoes something I often share with clients: self-love is the foundation of all love. When we feel whole in ourselves, we invite relationships built on shared emotional resonance, not emotional rescue.
Therapy and the Journey Back to Self
In therapy, especially in the work I do with individuals and couples, we often explore what’s really underneath our definitions of love. Are we seeking a partner—or a rescuer? Are we afraid of being alone, or are we simply unsure how to connect with ourselves?
Whether it’s through ketamine-assisted therapy, relationship counseling, or inner child healing, the work is always the same at its core: returning to yourself so you can connect with others from a place of authenticity, vulnerability, and insight.
So let me ask you: What does love mean to you? How does it show up in your life? And more importantly, are your relationships built on shared connection, or are they based on emotional need?
Letting Go of Need, Embracing Wholeness
For me, this journey has been both terrifying and freeing. Terrifying because it requires confronting my own vulnerabilities
like the fear that maybe I’m not "enough" on my own.
But freeing because it reminds me that I don’t have to be everything for someone else, and they don’t have to be everything for me.
When we stop trying to "fix" ourselves through our relationships, we give those relationships room to breathe. We allow our partners to be who they are, and we get to show up fully as ourselves—not as a half, but as a whole.
That’s the love I believe in. The kind that isn’t about possession, but presence. The kind that says, I choose you because I want to, not because I need to.
Create Your Own Safe Space for Insight
If this message resonated with you, I invite you to sit with what love means in your own life. How do you want love to feel? How do you want to show up in your relationships?
To support you in this reflection, I’ve created a free resource:
🌿 Sacred Space: A Guide to Creating Safe Spaces for Insight
This guide is designed to help you reconnect with yourself and start building emotional safety—from the inside out. You can download it here.
Also, be sure to check out my video on Empathy vs. Sympathy
and a gentle guided meditation for self-love and self-compassion
perfect tools for anyone looking to deepen their emotional connection with themselves and others.
And if you’re seeking support in your own journey of love, connection, and healing, I’m here to help. Learn more about my therapy services or schedule a $19.99 introductory session to see if we’re a good fit.
